If you pay attention, you'll notice that pessimists typically have no idea that they are pessimistic. As someone who has been friends with pessimistic individuals, I have seen how they only highlight the adverse situations they encounter. I've, too, recognized their frustration when dealing with others who don't conform to their ideals. I realized that pessimistic individuals cannot identify and accept their deficits but so quickly spot the deficits of others.

In my experiences, I have not only learned how to quickly spot pessimistic behaviors (so that I can learn to distance myself accordingly in the future), but I have also discovered the best way to reach these individuals. Especially because distancing oneself can be hard to practice for many of us when the pessimistic person (or people) in our life are siblings, best friends, parents, etc.; individuals that are so implanted in our lives that the idea of distancing ourselves is either very tough or out of the question.

With this post, however, you will be able to minimize the impact of manifested pessimism in your life by identifying pessimistic behavior and learning to help those pessimists in your life minimize this behavior as well.

But before we get to that point, we must learn how to spot a pessimist so we can be ready to deal with him/her accordingly.

HOW TO SPOT THE PESSIMIST

In order to learn how to spot a pessimist, we must understand what a pessimist is and recognize the behaviors that an individual would possess. So, in other words, we need to answer the question, what is a pessimist?

What is a pessimist?

Pessimists view the world in a very negative light. Because of this, they tend to believe in and anticipate the worst-case scenario by focusing on what is going wrong rather than what is going right.

Pessimists typically hold grudges, as they have a hard time forgiving others. Pessimists also give up easily, have a hard time being happy for others, and discredit their victories (focus on what's going wrong vs right).

Pessimistic Behaviors

1. Pessimists don't like to be challenged!:

While there are undoubtedly different levels of pessimism, pessimists are generally rational individuals and can be hopeful. Pessimists will also allow themselves to share in an experience; however, they will divert to pessimism when the experience becomes challenging and/or unfavorable. Essentially, they swiftly divert to anticipating and only seeing the negative when the situation appears to not be going as expected.

2. Pessimists do not plan!:

Planning is challenging for most pessimists because they are prone to seeing the negative, so they don't want to explore (prior to) what they could avoid. They feel better when " hoping" for the best rather than planning for the best possible outcome.

Pessimists prefer not to explore what could be, only what won't be. They believe they are preparing themselves for failure without considering that their lack of planning can be the cause of failure!

3. Pessimists have unequivocal expectations for others vs themselves!:

Typically, pessimists have higher expectations of others than they have of themselves. A pessimist's world focuses on those who let them down, but they have difficulty considering how they have created a ball/world of negativity around them.

In other words, a pessimist will say "I should have never met Peter, he doesn't have a good job and can't do anything for me," instead of saying "Peter, despite losing his job, has not given up and is working until he finds another job in his field."

Again, pessimists view the world as a glass half-empty. In our scenario, Peter's lack of a job would be a challenge they aren't willing to experience, so pessimists choose not to see the potential benefit of being there for Peter until he obtains the job of his dreams.

Even if the pessimist has no job, it is not a factor. They only focus on what someone else can't do for them, despite what they can or refuse to do for themselves.

So how can you help them?

GETTING THE PESSIMIST TO SEE THEMSELVES

The easiest way to get a pessimist to see themselves is to ask thought-provoking questions. Instead of sharing your opinion, ask for theirs. It's somewhat of a trick to get them to consider different perspectives while analyzing their own behavior. For example, change the "I think you'd be better off doing ____..." to "Do you think you'd be better off doing ____?"

Simple right?

By shaping your thoughts in the form of a question, you challenge them to see a different perspective. This way, you are not dictating to them or forcing your opinion. You allow them to come to the conclusions on their own. One of the most important things to note when dealing with pessimists is that they have to come to their own conclusions. Telling them information or truths they don't wish to accept is counterproductive.

Lastly, don't forget that you should NEVER suggest to a pessimist that they are true that, if for no other reason than that, they will deny it with supporting information.

Additionally, pessimists gravitate toward understanding people, as they want to be heard, not criticized! Remember, in order to help them, you must allow them to help themselves.

Let me know if this is helpful.

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