Personal Perceptions of Feelings

I've always considered myself someone who can be rational even when I have very strong feelings. And that may be because I was never a child who expressed outward emotion, so it makes sense that I would not outwardly express emotion as an adult. Well, technically, that was true until I lost a child. But before that, I could easily count how many times I had cried or expressed any emotion (besides anger) in my life.

Those who know me well may argue that I am emotional because I am open and honest about my feelings, but I don't believe I am emotional. I feel I am perceived as emotional because I can quickly process them. This allows me to engage in conversations regarding my feelings instead of harboring them.

Yet, I can't neglect that I was conditioned to view vulnerability negatively. I didn't recognize the power of vulnerability for some time. Therefore, even today, it takes a lot for me to be vulnerable (emotional), so it's safe to assume that there are few times I allow myself to express visible emotions to others. However, if and when I do that, I value you greatly.

Anyway, because of this, it became very easy for me to identify when people respond out of emotion/feeling rather than logic.

Now, just because I don't show emotions doesn't mean I don't have the ability to be sympathetic and empathetic. Not being vulnerable often doesn't mean you are emotionless; it more or less means that you have the ability to take in information, logically rationalize behavior, and make decisions with equal amounts of emotion and logic (rational decision-making).

But even I have fallen victim to the irrationality of my feelings...

I often cannot separate wants from needs when I am in love (real love, lol). So, things that I desire (want), I tend to associate them with needs, especially if I have a partner who is caring, accommodating, and supportive. Honestly, I acted irrationally in a moment of fear and uncertainty because I did not get the desired outcome. Sounds like a response from a child, right? And that is fair to say, but I realized that the state of hurt that I felt spoke to how much I valued the individual that provoked that response. Nonetheless, I learned that quick responses and actions submerged in feeling are, more often than not, irrational.

So, when I took a moment to look back at the entire situation, I realized that I responded negatively out of hurt, which yielded an outcome that was not indeed what I needed or wanted...

So, how do we get so far in our feelings that we become irrational and totally disregard logic?

The answer is simple: We get so set on our truth and expected outcome that anything outside of that we refuse to accept upsets or hurts us, leaving us emotional and irrational.

So how do we fix that?

CHECK YOUR EMOTIONS!

When you are emotionally charged, which is typically when you feel very adamant about something, you need to remind yourself that just because you feel so strongly of something doesn't make it right. That also doesn't mean it will happen how you thought or want it to.

Remember that just because you have strong feelings about something, whether anger, love or something else, doesn't mean your feelings are appropriate. That just means that you were emotionally triggered, and your body is telling you to explore (process) those feelings. But there is a very fine line between emotion and rationality, and we need to know how to properly navigate the space between.

Another thing to remember is...

YOU ARE NOT ALWAYS THE VICTIM!

One of the hardest things for us is to relinquish the notion that we are not always right. Similarly, we are not always a target. That would suggest that people go about their day trying to destroy and hurt you. And while that may be true in some cases, that is not true most often. Thus, it is important to recognize moments when we believe so strongly that we are correct, but things don't happen as we plan/intended, so we assume the role of "victim." Yet, we are not a victim of anything but of allowing our expectations to disappoint!

Also, when dealing with other people, we quickly forget that the individual opposite of us, our reactions, our choices, etc., also has feelings. And as much as we want to believe that we are the only individuals hurt, sad, angry, etc., that is hardly ever true.

However, for those of us who only seek to identify how we have been victimized, we need to work toward accepting that our choices are likely the problem. In turn, leaving us a victim of our own will versus someone who is truly a victim of circumstances that were out of their control.

Takeaway: Be thoughtful. Check your emotions by examining your expectations and understanding that your irrationality is more than likely your inability to accept the consequences of your own choices...

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