I don't know about you, but I have spent some days thinking why hasn't "he" come to rescue me. He is subjective, of course. But in a aculture where fairytales are longed for this is a common thought.

I was waiting on a literal he. I was waiting for a man because I thought that if he came back to me, he would save me, make me whole, and make everything in my life that was wrong better.

While talking to a friend one day, I realized that I was waiting for someone to do something for me that I should have been doing for myself. I realized that I wanted a man to be to me what I needed to be for myself.

I understood that I was waiting on a partner to fix me when, in retrospect, nothing needed fixing, except my mindset.

I figured out that I focused on all the wrong things in my life, which prevented me from actualizing all that was right.

Why?

I believe it was because change gives our lives purpose. So, when I was focused on the wrong in my life, I had something to work on changing and/or making better actively. I essentially had something to do. However, there was nothing really that needed changing but my mindset!

Even after realizing that, I had to explore what I felt I needed to do to make my life "better."

I needed to explore the question, "What do I feel I need to change?"

I eventually concluded that change centered more on how I wanted to feel. I wanted to be loved and let the idea of love shape my perception. I believed that the concept and feeling of love would help me be happier and see the world more transparent. Yet, I quickly realized that would not be so.

I had to sit with myself in stillness and allow myself to reflect upon the real issues. I came to understand that I didn't need love from another to be happy; what I needed was to accept all that had come to pass and allow my experiences to empower me.

I needed to focus more on not allowing my mind to suggest that I was less than because I desired to focus more on what I had not done, what I did not have, and where I had not been.

I realized I didn't need to be RESCUED, only that I needed to accept my reality!

I think we often do this, though. We think about all the bad and give all our energy to all the things that we need to change, things we do not have, and things we need to do to make it "better." We continuously self-talk ourselves out of acknowledging our progress because we choose to focus on our deficits. We then expect someone else to save us from ourselves when, in actuality, we need to save ourselves.

SAVE YOURSELF

We often look to other people to examine our progress and success. The first important component of embracing the notion of "saving yourself" is to STOP THAT!

Stop comparing yourself to others.

Stop measuring your level of success to others!

We live in a world filled with individuals with varying cultural backgrounds, experiences, morals, values, and ethical standards. Experiences and opportunities differ from person to person.

Realistically, it is hard to randomly select two people with identical backgrounds (stories) and experiences who ended up in the same profession and at the same level of success. So, how can you compare yourself to someone else? And why would you want to?

If I got into the why, this post might turn into a book, but to limit my words lol, I will say this: Some of us willingly compare ourselves to others and measure our success to others because we don't have identified goals for ourselves.

When you don't set individual goals and identify your purpose, it is easy for you to compare yourself and your success to others.

What I had to learn is that comparisons are just like generalizations; they aren't all-encompassing. They don't account for your resilience, challenges, and obstacles because no two individuals' challenges are the same. No two people have the same resilience nor endure the same obstacles in their pursuit of success.

I realized I had to re-focus and/or re-purpose the energy I put into comparing myself to others. I realized I needed to find a way to self-reflect without self-bashing.

But how do you assess your progress without damaging your motivation to move forward?

The answer was difficult to determine initially, but once I considered it fundamentally, it was easy.

I needed to remind myself that I was still in love with myself and proud of where I had been and what I had gone through.

I had to accept that my life lessons were just as important a part of my journey as the things I didn't have and had not experienced. I realized that everything shaped me and that it all contributed to identifying the fundamental principles of life. This, in turn, encouraged me to be accepting of and rededicate myself to loving myself!

SELF-LOVE REDEDICATION

"Self-Acceptance"

I still believe that one of life's most significant challenges will be learning to accept ourselves and others.

Whether we accept ourselves, our journeys, or pain, etc., it will be the hardest thing we will ever have to do, simply because with acceptance comes acknowledging we are less than. No one likes acknowledging their deficits, so needless to say, we refuse to accept ourselves because we'd prefer to ignore that we're less than perfect and need to change.

But, just like Christians choose to rededicate themselves to God, we have the responsibility to accept ourselves and rededicate our time to loving ourselves, deficits and all.

Self-love can make or break you. Lack of self-love is the reason people justify being treated poorly, abused, and/or unable to identify their worth.

Reading my blog posts, I know many of you realize the intent of sharing the content is to make the work seem easy. However, I know that when you are actively trying to apply the concepts of saving yourself, accepting yourself, and self-love rededication, it's hard. Therefore, it's important to be patient with yourself and know that it takes time.

So, stop allowing your mind and your perception of others to make you feel inadequate and less than. Everything that has happened to you has happened for a reason. Find a way to accept it and use it to be better, and know that no one can rescue you the way you can rescue yourself!

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