I believe in general, there seems to be difficulty understanding and practicing the basic principles of friendship. I say that because I've recently had conversations with some girlfriends, and I've observed that many fail to recognize that their expectations of their friends are typically not in line with the basic principles of friendship.

You might think, "What is she talking about?" But I've witnessed people ask their friends to perform tasks out of "loyalty" that basically meet their personal needs for validation of inappropriate behavior. And will unfriend anyone with a moral standard/code who refuses to act in a toxic or unhealthy manner. In other words, don't ask your friends to make you feel better, especially if you're asking them to do things that compromise who they are as individuals or are just WRONG. That is not loyalty.

Loyalty doesn't ask your frineds to do and be anything other than who they are. And loyalty or friendship certainly doesn't require compromising morals and ethics. Those who choose to compromise have made their choice. But it is not healthy to expect someone to compromise themselves for you, especially when they would never expect the same in return.

As a friend who empathizes with hurt and genuinely doesn't want to see my friend endure pain, despite my compassion about the circumstance, its hard to be honest with my friends when asked for my opinion. Similarly, I believe I have not allowed to be honest and respectfully educate my friend on my knowledge and perception because they would rather feel justified. As a friend this is unfair to me to expect that I reduce myself and lie for the sake of your feelings. When asking for your friend's opinion, expect that to be their honest opinion. So be open to hear and accept the opinion that was ask for.

However, as that is often not the case, I've noticed the patter of when friends experience break-ups (loss of intimate relationships), or endure hardships, they either lose sight of, or refuse to accept certain realities about the friendships. In turn, requiring too much emotional support that is compromises authenticity. So I decided to compose this post, to share basic principles of friendship that everyone should know.

Here are 4 basic principles of friendship to remind you to allow your friend to just be a friend, without expectations that they compromise themselves.

The 4 Basic Principles of Friendship

I. BE HONEST

Being honest is one of the hardest things for most people to do in a friendship, for a couple of reasons, 1) because it is not often received well, being viewed as "not being loyal" or "supportive" or 2)it is not ready to be received and rejected or viewed as a lie or untruth.

Considering that, it's kind of ironic that those are go to responses, when friendship is supposed to be based on authenticity. But, when we experience hardships or breakups, it's easy to fall into a world of black or white/right or wrong. In turn, we seek to feel validated rather than hear about mistakes and/or the not-so-great choices we've made. We then force our friends to take on the role of validation when we need to work on actively accepting the realities of our new circumstances. We must remember that our friends help us get out of our way.

If you require your friends to agree with everything you do and say, you are hindering yourself from some much-needed growth.

You are supposed to connect with individuals genuinely and build your connection and relationship upon similarities and shared experiences. So how you present should be how you are received. And even with consideration to individual growth, if that friendship originated in the best place, that individual should still be allowed to grow and evolve without penalty.

Regardless of what we're going through, friends should be able to support us and be honest without repercussions.

II. BE RESPECTFUL & ACCEPTING

Respect encompasses many things. It's especially important because some have no respect for their friends. Especially when disrespecting your friends comes at the price of trying to navigate a very shallow ego.

When you respect your friend, there are no secrets, you can have a healthy discussion/debate and share emotional experiences without judgment. You confront the issues and have the hard conversations no matter the results. You give your friend space and time to process and respond, and eventually learn to move forward and co-exist.

Another component of respect is being humble in your relationship and constantly reminding yourself to treat your friends the way you would want them to treat you. Set boundaries and accept what you know to be true about them. Respect opinions and personality and accept them flaws and all. And when that becomes difficult, remind yourself of why you became friends. And if the growth as individuals creates to great of a distance, accept that it may be time to disconnect. And accept that new reality of the friendship.

III. BE REALISTIC & FAIR

Sometimes, getting into a mindset of "your world is my world" in friendships is easy. That means it's easy to get away from reality and expect people to be what you want them to be when you need them to be it.

We have to remember that life does not just happen to us; it also happens to our friends.

We need to be realistic, understanding, and fair in our expectations of our friends. It's also crucial to clearly articulate your needs to your friends. Then, give them the choice to say they can or can not support you. And based on that reason, you have to accept if that person's life experiences trump your own. And understand that doesn't mean they don't love you or cherish your friendship, but that they may not have the tools or know how to deal with their issues, as well as yours...

Don't use your friendship as a carrot to control someone else's behavior. You can not control anyone other than yourself. No matter the cost, people will always do what they want, when they want. The sooner you understand that, the easier it will be for you to be fair and realistic in your friendships.

IV. BE APPRECIATIVE

If you don't appreciate your friends, why call them friends?

That's basic, I know, but unfortunately, too many people assume that their friends want to waste their time and energy supporting and encouraging someone who doesn't appreciate them. No one wants to waste their time and energy, so the least you can do is appreciate the time, energy, and support you receive from your friends.

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