I am not ashamed to admit that I saw my parents, in different ways, struggle with appropriately expressing anger. Therefore, I, too, had developed anger issues. Not because that is who I wanted to be but because that is all I saw.

I would witness them throwing things, intense yelling, running with guns, etc. But regardless of their method of madness, all I recall is the madness! I honestly don't remember witnessing either of my parents deal with their anger in a way that allowed them to remain calm while expressing frustration/anger. Therefore, I didn't know what a healthy discussion was or why it was necessary.

And to be honest, until I got angry, I didn't realize how much energy is exhausted in a fit of anger, rage, or frustration.

EXPRESSING ANGER IS physically, mentally, and emotionally draining! I decided to spend time getting to know myself.

During that exploration, I realized (on my path to becoming better) that I definitely needed to address and discover a few different things.

1) What was the reason I was so angry?

2) Why did I allow others to get the best of me (anger me so much I lost control of my emotions)?

3) Determine how to regain control over my reaction (emotions).

I recognized that I needed to tackle these individually to regain control over my energy.

HERE ARE 3 THINGS TO CONSIDER TO HELP REGAIN CONTROL OVER YOUR ENERGY!

ONE: WHAT ARE THE TRIGGERS?

When we think of anger, we often believe that someone else provoked a response from us based on their action. Yet, we fail to recognize that, typically, there's an underlying issue ( or trigger) that we have yet to encounter and address that amplifies our reaction when slightly annoyed and irritated. It essentially takes us from rational to irrationally angry in a matter of moments.

I realized that one of my triggers was created by my father. I would become angered when men made promises they did not keep. I would get so upset when my dad promised me things and later changed his mind or did not show up for me.

Those broken promises hurt so much that they turned into unresolved anger. And with that being the basis of my frustration, it turned into anger with not only broken promises but lies (in general), with not just my father but all men.

The second trigger was unconsciously embedded by my mother's repeated emphasis on the importance of respect. When someone would blatantly disrespect me, it was almost second nature for me to respond with action to demonstrate why that "disrespect" was intolerable.

I had to learn that gaining control over my reactions was the only way to prevent others from getting the best of me.

TWO: RECOGNIZING YOU CONTROL YOUR RESPONSE!

Two is tricky because you don't believe that someone is getting the best of you.

Regarding the triggers I mentioned prior, my response to those triggers was my way of protecting myself or standing up for myself. I never once felt like I was allowing someone to get the best of me. In fact, I believed the opposite, that I was preventing someone from getting the best of me.

For me to understand that responding in anger is not a genuine attempt to prevent someone from getting the best of me, I had to be objective in each scenario. I had to be open to seeing how much energy I exerted trying to "prevent someone from getting the best of me" while showing anger and frustration.

THREE: DETERMINE HOW TO REGAIN CONTROL OVER YOUR REACTION.

Showing so much anger suggests you care more for the person or situation than you may for yourself.

In moments of anger and frustration, you take very little (if no time) to consider the consequence of that action (or reaction). And that lack of consideration suggests you disregard the future consequences.

You relinquish control over the outcome when you act without consideration of the future consequences.

In order to gain control, you have to consider what could happen to prevent it from happening. Explore whether the reaction is worth the consequence and whether the person is worth the reaction.

There are people we come into contact with who mean us no good and actively try to push buttons to see how much of a response we can give them. Those people do not deserve that energy, and they do not deserve a reaction of any kind.

Until you understand this, you will constantly give your energy (via anger) to people who not only do not mean you well but are certainly not worth the energy. So keep that energy for you!

Manage your response and conserve your energy for more worthwhile causes!

Love is far more deserving of your focus than foolish!

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