We all know the rate at which we mature and learn varies from individual to individual. And we can certainly agree that men and women mature at different rates. But once you get to a certain age, we should all know certain things about ourselves. These things set us up and prepare us to deal with adult decisions and consequences.

I know most of us believe that our 20s are for "learning" things in preparation for being adults, and some of us may agree that we did learn some things. But I challenge you to consider how much time you spend learning in your 20s.

REACTING VS RESPONDING

Most of us spend our time reacting. When I say reacting; I mean simply acting without thinking. While some may be able to think before acting, neither suggests that we learned anything. Learning suggests that after either reacting or responding, we take a lesson from our experience and apply it as a baseline for future choices. While this is how decision-making should be, that is not always what happens when we are in our 20s.

For some reason, while in our 20s, we felt almost immune to consequences, so much so that we would act as if nothing was ever that bad. So when the worst happens, we called it "life" without actually considering that we should have learned something from that experience.

Now, consider if you spent most of your time "reacting" versus "responding" in your 20s. Also, consider what you learned in your 20s.

Many of us (well, just about all of us) spent the bulk of our time responding. Therefore, the 20s were a time of trial and error. And that's what we did: We react to situations without consideration of the outcomes, and then we continued to react in new ways before actually learning from those failed outcomes and poor decisions. Responding involves considering outcomes and weighing consequences. Responding is intentional.

But our late 20s and early 30s should have been and should be (for those not yet 30) a time for rational thinking, where we consider all outcomes and use those experiences in our early 20s as the baseline for making decisions. We should know the desires of our hearts. We should recognize and accept our purpose. And we should strategically plan our decisions to align with the path of our purpose and desires.

Here are 5 things to know at 30!

1. YOUR PURPOSE!

In your 20s, most of you asked yourselves several times, "What's my purpose for being." When you begin to think through scenarios, most of you turn to faith for the answers and others to their hearts. But no matter where you looked for the answer, knowing your purpose helped you understand what you were put on this earth to do. It outlines the reason we exist. And knowing your purpose helps identify what motivates you and what you live for daily.

I'm sure we can all agree that when you're not certain of your purpose, you don't understand the value of your life. So, when you get to your 30s, you should be able to articulate your purpose easily. You should be making decisions and choices that take you closer to fulfilling that purpose. Every goal you set should take you that much closer to walking in your purpose.

EXAMPLE: My purpose is to spread love and encourage conscious thought.

2. YOUR PASSION

Passion and Purpose go hand in hand. And fundamentally, your love should be to fulfill your purpose. And not to sound harsh, but you definitely should know what you're passionate about by age 30.

How to come to know your passion?

When I was in college, I knew that I had a knack for writing and arts. I also loved computers, but while in college, I quickly learned that I was way too social to be a computer programmer, so I changed my major to dance. While pursuing dance, several factors kept me from following my dream of being a ballerina. Still, one was that I was forced to admit that I did not have the performance quality required to captivate an audience. Did that mean that I didn't have the technical skills? NOT. But that meant that I didn't have the heart. And I recognized that while I loved dance, I wasn't capable of being GREAT at it and that I obviously wasn't as passionate as I needed to be about it because I gave it up so quickly...

When you know your passion, you're able to articulate what motivates you and what you live for. Knowing what drives you is in direct relationship with purpose because it answers not only your reason for being but also why you do it.

Falling out of love with being a ballerina didn't mean I didn't love dance. I just realized I didn't love it enough.

So, for those of you struggling to determine your passion, know this: Understanding your passion is about understanding yourself. Everyone has something they love and enjoy doing. It's not rocket science; it's a matter of knowing yourself well enough to identify what you're passionate about and accept it. Then, all you have to do is make sure to walk a path and make decisions that align passion with your purpose.

EXAMPLE: My passion is writing, art, and people.

3. YOUR CAPABILITIES!

It's important that you know what you're capable of. Too many people do not know, acknowledge, or recognize the extent of their capabilities. But to honestly know what you're capable of, you must push yourself.

As I mentioned before, giving up on dance after graduation was accepting that I was not capable of being the performer I needed to be to excel. I was okay with that because it forced me to focus more on writing.

I remember when I decided to write a book, before that point I had only written poetry, journal entries, articles, papers and blog posts. I didn't know if I could do it, only that I wanted to do it. But when I did it, I recognized that I could do much more (about writing). So, during that time, I not only realized I could write books as well but that I enjoyed it. I was way more passionate about it than I knew (or had realized). After that, I began to explore the extent of my capabilities. And because writing is my passion, I didn't limit myself to just writing one way.

4. YOUR TRIGGERS!

Number four is significant because triggers are the very things that make you or break you. But by the age of 30, you should be able to identify all things that trigger extreme anger/rage, depression, anxiety, etc. Triggers are all things that you need to know to avoid or how to address to be your best self!

Again, understanding your triggers is about understanding you.

I will admit that I had a horrible anger problem. But for me to address it, I had to recognize the things that triggered it to control it.

So, I spent some time in my 20s soul-searching for those reasons. When I identified them, I made sure to keep myself (or actively try to keep myself) from situations and people that caused me to lash out and respond negatively.

And in the words of the late and great Maya Angelo, "I did then what I knew how to do. Now that I know better, I do better."

EXAMPLE: Some of my other triggers are not keeping your work and complacency.

5. YOUR BEST INTEREST!

It's sad to say, but most of us don't know or can't recognize what's in our best interest. I know this to be true because I see people every day who surround themselves with people who don't have any regard for their best interests.

And without surrounding ourselves with people who have no regard for our best interest, we tend to make decisions without considering our own best interest.

However, recognizing your best interest can be challenging if you do not know your worth. Knowing your worth suggests that you understand what you do and do not deserve, making identifying your best interest easier.

So number five is twofold, so challenge yourself to identify the following:

a. What you're worth?

b. What you're capable of?

If you do not know your capabilities, you could believe that things NOT for you are in your best interest.

It's important that you take time to ask yourself the above questions and get a clear understanding so that you can learn to identify with things and choices that are the best (at the time) for you!

Notice that none of those above suggested that we should have a plan. And that is because I do not believe the plan or route is up to us. God is the plan's designer; he orders our steps when our desires and purposes align. Our only job is to ensure that we have identified our passion and purpose and make decisions considering those things. Planning would mean that you are trying to create opportunities for yourself. But when an opportunity is for you, it will always present itself to you.

So, I challenge you to think less about what you think you want to do and more about how you will use your talents to be the best in situations God has chosen for you!

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